Gerald ran over the Rent A Center man when they came for the marquee sign. The sign read "We fired our ugly bartender, Rhonda." That is why we is on the Instagrams now.

Reginald relapsed durin the Ella Langley music video shoot. He had 847 days of sobriety. The reproduction crew is receivin an invoice. Updates on the Instagram.

Our horse Lenny passed from performance anxiety at the Kentucky Derby. Buffalo Bill represented us with honor. The IKEA meatballs were added to the menu in Lenny's memory. He woulda wanted that.

The Last Resort Bar & Grille opened its doors for the first time. Darlene and Dale Sr. made the decision to convert the barn sometime prior to this. We do not have the exact date on file on account of nobody wrote it down. Darlene made a potato salad for the occasion. It was good. The bar was mostly structurally sound. It still is mostly. Dale Sr. gave a speech. Nobody remembers what he said but all accounts suggest it was brief. The jukebox was not yet present. People brought their own music on a boombox which Darlene has since banned.

The mechanical bull known as Betty was installed sometime after opening. Nobody is entirely sure where she came from. Dale Sr. claims he won her in a card game in Strasburg. Darlene says they bought her off a man named Terry at a flea market in Culpeper for $400 and a case of Busch Light. Both accounts may be true. Dale Sr. was the first person to ride Betty. He lasted approximately 2 seconds. This is not discussed. Betty has been in continuous operation since her arrival and has no known injuries of her own. The same cannot be said for everyone who has ridden her.

Nobody remembers the first time Reginald showed up. He was just there one Tuesday. Corner table. Red solo cup. Completely unbothered. Several staff members assumed he belonged to a patron. He did not belong to any patron. Attempts were made to remove him in the early days. We do not speak of those attempts. Reginald has been at his corner table every night since. He is not a pet. He is not staff. He has been here longer than Dale Jr. and most of the regulars. We have come to accept this.

At some point prior to his most recent 847 day sobriety streak Reginald had a known incident involving a bottle of Jack Daniel's that was left unattended near his table. The details are not fully documented. What we know is that Darlene found him the next morning asleep on the pool table with what appeared to be a Shiner Bock bottle and three maraschino cherries. It was after this incident that the bar established the no Jack Daniel's or Shiner Bock near Reginald policy which is a known and documented rule. Reginald was spoken to. He built back up to 847 days of sobriety after this which makes the recent incident involving the Ella Langley reproduction crew all the more unfortunate.

The Zimbabwe Karaoke 2002 machine arrived at The Last Resort under circumstances that remain unclear. Dale Jr. claims Darlene ordered it from a catalog. Darlene has no memory of this. A third account suggests it was left behind by a karaoke company that came to do a one night event and never returned to collect their equipment. We have made no effort to return it. The machine functions adequately. The song selection is limited to whatever disc came with it in 2002. The mic is not always plugged in. Burt does not appear to notice either way.

At some point Burt began bringing his own personal keg to karaoke nights and positioning it on the stage beside him. Nobody remembers when this started or who authorized it. Nobody has asked him to stop. The keg has a red solo cup on top of it at all times. The cup is always full. Burt does not share from the keg. This is understood and respected. Darlene has noted it on the calendar as a known recurring item.

Rhonda was a bartender at The Last Resort for an undetermined period of time. She was let go following a series of incidents that management has declined to fully document out of respect for the ongoing situation. What we can confirm is that her termination was considered necessary and appropriate and that the decision was made by Darlene and Dale Sr. jointly. The marquee sign outside was updated to reflect her termination which is how Rent-A-Center became involved which is how Gerald became involved which is why we is now on the Instagrams. Rhonda has been informed she is not welcome to return. Rhonda has not attempted to return. We wish her well mostly.

The first David Allan Coe Tribute Friday was held on a Friday. The exact date is not on file. It was Darlene's idea. Dale Sr. supported it. It became a weekly tradition from that point forward. The rule about not changing the song when The Ride comes on was established during the third or fourth DTF following an incident that resulted in a patron being asked to leave. The patron was asked to leave by Gerald who is not technically staff but handled the situation appropriately. DTF continues every Friday. Do not change The Ride.

Dr. Chang approached Darlene about using the bar for walk-in dental services on Sunday afternoons during the slow hours between 2:30 and 3:30pm. Darlene agreed. No formal arrangement was made. Dr. Chang brings his own equipment. He asks that patients brush beforehand. Most do not. The service has been running every Sunday since. Semi Attractive Bartender has not yet been referred despite the known and documented tooth situation. This is being addressed.

"Best bar in Lovettsville. Only bar in Lovettsville but still. Betty threw me off in 3 seconds and I consider that a personal victory. Reginald was there. Did not make eye contact with Reginald. Returned the following Thursday."

"Drove past this place three times before I realized it was a bar and not an abandoned barn. Best decision I ever made on a Tuesday. The 8 Second Suds is legitimately good. I do not know what is in it. I do not want to know."

"There is a raccoon at the bar. I asked the staff about it and they said quote he has been here longer than Dale. I do not know who Dale is. The raccoon had a red solo cup. Nobody addressed this. I will not be returning. My husband loved it and is already planning to go back."

"I changed a song on the jukebox and an elderly gentleman in a motorized wheelchair looked at me in a way I will never forget. I changed it back immediately. He nodded once. We have an understanding now. Five stars."

"The karaoke machine only has songs from 2002 and earlier. I asked if they had anything newer and the bartender looked at me like I had asked her to solve a math problem. The mic was not plugged in. A shirtless man was performing to nobody and seemed to be having the time of his life. Two stars."

"I come every Thursday for bull night. I have never lasted more than 4 seconds. The guy who runs the bull takes it very personally when you beat his record which I looked up and is apparently 0 seconds because he fell off getting on. Truly a special place."

"The bartender was missing a tooth and seemed fine about it. The food was surprisingly good. I had the pulled pork sandwich and something called IKEA style meatballs which I ordered as a joke but ate all of. The couple two-stepping in the middle of the floor on a Wednesday was the most romantic thing I have ever witnessed in person. Four stars only because I sat on a peanut shell."

"I am a Yelp Elite reviewer and I have never been more confused by an establishment in my life. There is no WiFi password. The menu has a line item called mystery meatloaf with no further description. When I asked a staff member about the meatloaf he said quote we don't do that anymore and walked away. One star."

"I went for a friend's birthday and ended up staying until 1:45am watching a man I did not know do an unplugged acoustic performance of Mule Skinner Blues for an empty bar. He brought his own keg. He had more conviction than anyone I have ever seen perform on a real stage. I think about it often."

"I filed an OSHA complaint on behalf of the bartender who appeared to be missing a tooth. The bar posted a photo of her on their Instagram holding a Busch Light giving a thumbs up as a response to my complaint. She looked fine. I am not sure how to feel about this. Three stars."

"My dentist told me about this place. I did not ask him how he knew about it. The 8 Second Suds is genuinely one of the best light lagers I have ever had and I have had many. The peanut shells on the floor are a feature not a bug. Five stars. I am already planning my return visit."

"Great bar."